Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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