You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
