just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
