Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
