Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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