I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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