A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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