:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
