Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
