You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
