No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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