Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
