I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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