we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
