Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
