you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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