Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
