Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
