im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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