How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
