Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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