I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
