That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
