So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
