I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
