may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
