I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
