imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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