i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
