dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
