i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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