I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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