I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
