I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
