Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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