ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
