So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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