So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
