my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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