Can i not drive my cunt home
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
