We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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