Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
