Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
