Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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