I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
