My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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