So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
