Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
