Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
