The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
