dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
