She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
