I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
