i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
either way he was missing a nipple.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
