I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
