dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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