I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
