Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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