my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
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