I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
