Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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