Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
