He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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