What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
