We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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